Not the Lingerie Bowl

Well, this is embarrassing.  I'm supposed to be a knowledgeable football handicapper, but until 48 hours ago, I knew absolutely nothing about women's professional football. I didn't know that the United States had three professional leagues, I didn't know anything about what the teams looked like on the field, and I did not know that a local team was kicking everyone's ass.

Today I finally learned a few things. I drove to Bluff City (TN), less than 20 miles from my home, to watch the unbeaten Tri-Cities Thunder play the Hampton Roads (VA) Lady Gators for the USWFL Ironwoman Championship.

Evidently the Thunder (8-0) are pretty good. Going into this game, they had outscored their opponents 281-12.Their only competitive contest was a first meeting with the Lady Gators, which ended 24-12. By finishing second, Hampton Roads (6-2) had earned a rematch in the championship game.

I was really interested in seeing what women's professional football looked like. After all, the players would not have the hundreds of hours of high school training and team practices that male players accrue. How organized would these teams actually be? What about the hitting? Would it be as intense as a men's game?

Here are my observations. First of all, this is not flag football. It's not two-hand touch. It is rock 'em, sock 'em physical football. Second, I was surprised and impressed with the quality footwork at the quarterback and defensive back positions. I'm not sure how many hours of football these ladies have under their belts, but the quarterbacks seem to technically know what they're doing, and the defensive backs look as if they've played a long time. The quarterbacks also generally made the right reads, and there were only a couple of blatant misfires. The hitting, as I mentioned, is solid, and the tackling is good. Defensively, the women get sideline to sideline reasonably well. Some of the running backs have surprising speed. All in all, it's competent, intense football. Don't take my word for it. You can watch the USWFL championship game on YouTube. Both the Tri-Cities/Hampton Roads Ironwoman title game and the Division II Washington (DC) Prodigy/Keystone Arsenal title contest were live streamed.

I haven't yet mentioned what impressed me most about the women in the Thunder/Lady Gator game.  And when I say impressed, that is an understatement.

The game was played in the afternoon in Bluff City, with the temperature a blazing 88 degrees and the dew point around 70. The conditions were absolutely stifling. It was so humid that I sweated through my entire shirt just standing on the sideline. The teams wore full uniforms and pads, and in the case of the Thunder, dark blue uniforms with black helmets.

Now here's the thing. At season's end, with accumulated injuries, Tri-Cities suited up about 18 players. Hampton Roads had 15. So the majority of the women had to play both ways! Most had to play both offense and defense while manning multiple positions on each side of the ball. I was stunned that the teams handled the roster limitations so well in the oppressive heat and humidity. From the late third quarter on, some cramping occurred, but no more than one would see in any SEC game. And while the offenses were not sprinting to the line of scrimmage the second half, the actual intensity during plays never wavered. It was truly an ironwoman display.

The game I saw wasn't perfect. The teams were called for a handful of illegal motion and formation penalties. While no shotgun snaps actually went awry, Hampton Roads snaps did occasionally float back to the quarterback. The slickness of the ball likely contributed to that. Overall, however, the game was crisply played.

As I walked away from the Thunder's 32-6 win, the composure of the teams in the rugged conditions stayed with me. It impressed me so much that when I got home, this old distance runner wanted to verify the heat and humidity, so I went jogging for a couple of miles to check it out. My rule of thumb, after 45 years of long distance running, is to not work out when the dew point approaches 70 degrees. It's a good rule. The humidity killed me. The jog left me soaked and fried. I had not overestimated the brutality of the playing conditions.

I had stood a few yards behind the Tri-Cities sidelines the entire game. I heard almost no comments or complaints about the sweltering heat. In fact, the PA announcer reminded the crowd to stay hydrated more often than the players said anything about the conditions. It had been a real display of toughness in a grueling environment.

The game atmosphere in Bluff City (pop. 1800) reminded me of semi-pro games from my youth. I grew up watching the Schuylkill County Coal Crackers hammer interstate opposition, and the game ambience brought back memories. In terms of style, the Thunder offense hearkened back to another dominant team, the high school Berwick Bulldogs from their USA Today national title days.

The USWFL schedules their games in a sweet spot, after college basketball has ended and before pre-season NFL kicks off. Next season, the league will be expanding. I look forward to familiarizing myself with all of the divisions and reporting back here before the 2020 season begins.


Bob Dietz -- July 13, 2019